But, if I had kept going, and I would have shared my views on God, I would have mentioned that my belief is that God values everything in life, but God seems to specifically value love and community that death creates community, whether it be an embalmed body or a cremated body. They were inseparable in life and as he says he goes where she goes. . Feelings of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest. When you feel youve done something wrong, its hard to find peace until youve made things right again. Memory is another aspect of the human experience where the mind is involved in the grieving process. As Timothy George says, While the weight of Christian tradition clearly favors burial, the Bible nowhere explicitly condemns cremation., However, there is a divide about whether it is prudent and acceptable for Christians to choose cremation. Question: Are there any consequences to the spirit if the body is cremated? The only other references to cremation are in the book of Amos (2:1 and 6:8-10). Founded in 1997, it now supports a quarter million people annually from over 100 countries, from all walks of life. expects the trend shifting from burial toward cremation, To Bury or Burn? Lastly, its important to state that guilt is a very normal and healthy part of the grieving process. Christians, like my pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation. If you like my writing, consider buying my 2017 Nautilus Book Award Gold Winner, Confession of a Funeral Director (click the image to go to the Amazon page): This entry was posted by Caleb Wilde on July 5, 2017 at 3:29 pm, and is filed under Embalming vs. Cremation. The body is cremated immediately after death. You will engage the services of a crematory, bypassing the expense of a funeral home. The body can be cremated in a simple cardboard container. No memorial service is held. No embalming or other preparations of the body are necessary because there is no service, viewing, or wake. The view that cremation is wrong isnt uncommon among pastors. David Jones, professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1. Other biblical events make clear there is no soul sleep for believers but rather a conscious, immediate presence with God after death: - See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/death/awake-beyond-the-grave-what.html?l=death#sthash.BiEnXTia.dpuf. See, cremation is much cheaper than embalming and cuts into the funeral homes bottom line and therefore the funeral directors pocket; couple that ulterior motive with the folk belief that cremation destroys Gods creation and you have a recipe for an anti-cremation funeral director. For Christians, burial is not the disposal of a thing. DH and I are doing our wills and I've said I just want direct cremation with 500 put aside for drinks and sandwiches at the pub. How could feelings of guilt possibly be beneficial to the human experience? Dont wait, book a reading now! Cremation fee (if firm uses a third party)*. For instance, Jewish law is unequivocal that a body must be buried. The cost could be reduced even further, though, if more churches would reinstitute the practice of using a portion of their land to be used for a church cemetery. It could also be stemming from your own personal beliefs or faith system. And yet feeling guilty is normal when experiencing grief. Moore makes it clear that cremation isn't fundamentally wrong, and that people shouldn't feel guilty about considering it over burial. This misperception is often amplified by the grief caused by loss. 1:23), but the body that remains still belongs tosomeone,someone we love, someone who will reclaim it one day. To a certain extent, they can make a strong case for their contention. 31:11-13), The Philistines had cut off Sauls head (v. 9), and the bodies were likely mutilated and decaying by the time the men of Israel retrieved the remains. I dont believe in heaven and Im not really a spiritual person, so I decided on a general cremation for my dog. It's just an awful thought. However, if you think of the body as just an empty vessel after death, which many people do, the idea of cremation can be very appealing. Funerals are changing. How would you like to honor your shell for its lifetime of service? There is no simple answer. Today marks 4 weeks since he passed. This results in both confirmation and negativity biases. Guilt can be defined as a self-conscious emotion characterized by an assessment of having done (or thought) something that is wrong. Cremation casket. Again, this is a complex dynamic of grief. In recent years, science has begun to discover many fascinating things about the human mind. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Eastern Orthodoxy believes that cremation is wrong for the same reason Jewish law forbids it. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. When you die, the astral cord that has connected and tethered you to your body during your life gets severed. How to Handle a Difficult Small-Group Member, Wednesday Addams and the Return of Black-and-White Morality, 5 Surprising Books to Help Navigate the Gender Debates. Before that, cremation was a seen an abandonment of the hope of resurrection, and, like Judaism and Orthodoxy, abuse of the creation of God. Joe Carter is a senior writer for The Gospel Coalition, author of The Life and Faith Field Guide for Parents, the editor of the NIV Lifehacks Bible, and coauthor of How to Argue Like Jesus: Learning Persuasion from Historys Greatest Communicator. (, Mom passed away unexpectedly, Dad after illness, October 14th, 2014 - mom, April 26, 2016 - dad, is one of the oldest, if not the oldest, grief support community on the internet. The feeling communicates what the person is missing and offers an opportunity to examine the deficiency and find ways to cope with these responses in a way which will ultimately facilitate But death has taken away your ability to make things right, thus you experience a powerlessness than can be frustrating. Its been said that you dont think, but rather, thinking happens to you. However, despite his words of comfort to The service should be everything that person wanted, you won't get a second chance. On the other hand, decomposition, while not pretty, is a biological process, and the natural way of If anyone else is under the impression that you will feel anything that happens to your body once you leave it, rest assured that once you die, the connection is severed and your body becomes a shell, incapable of registering pain. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use. The pastor didnt appreciate my wit. My Dad passed away 11 weeks ago and we decided to get him cremated.. My dad and I had thought about it long and hard. In a private cremation, only one animal's body is in the oven. I'm sure she's very proud of you. I can understand why some of you may feel uneasy at the thought of cremation: one day, that person is by your side.and then a few days later, nothing but dust and ashes.. Factors such as the location and manner of death, nation-specific legal parameters, as well as the resources of the surviving family will bear on funerary practices and decisions. Islam believes cremation to beharam,whichis something that is expressly forbidden by Allah and entirely sinful. http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/death/awake-beyond-the-grave-what.html?l=death#sthash.BiEnXTia.dpuf. After all, within the Christian tradition funerals aren't simply ways of disposing of dead bodies, nor are they about remembering the departed or expressing grief. Powered by Invision Community. Do you believe cremation hurts the deceased? As no one has complained about it hurting, we can safely assume it does not. Islam believes cremation to be haram, which is something that is expressly She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin? Trapped in your now lifeless shell? Mom passed 6 months ago today. And that God doesnt want us to mortgage the house for a full burial and that God certainly doesnt want us to feel guilty when choosing cremation. (Jones has also written a more extensive articleTo Bury or Burn? Almost every state also allows for a natural burial, which allows the body to be interred without having to pay the cost of a vault. Community, love, and shared grief is what makes a good death, not your method of disposition. I told my mom I wanted to be cremated so I didnt take up unnecessary space on some otherwise beautiful land. Use Breakfast as Play Time. But how does pet cremation works? I am sorry you had family upset during such a difficult time. Its an endless cycle. The Gospel Coalition supports the church by providing resources that are trusted and timely, winsome and wise, and centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. Once the body is cremated, autopsied or buried these people usually get the idea that there is no going back and they begin to move on, cross over, look for the light, or try to remain earthbound if thats important to them (as is often the case with people who have unfinished urgent business). Once you find a safe container for your grief and a private time and place to feel your feelings, you'll be able to come back to your precious little one and rejoice at the sight of her without feeling guilty, and you can do it over and over again. Although I have seen them. . I do plan on scattering some of them where he asked me to. I wish every day that she could come back to me. Cremation is a strange concept - I agree, little grey pieces sums it up well. Why feel guilty about not visiting the gravesite? Helpful Answer ( 5) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, In New Orleans we do have family plots. And though its difficult for people not emotionally connected to the situation to understand, survivors guilt is a very real phenomenon that can often require years to overcome. Cremation is safe for your soul. One way to do it is to make the guilt-rejecting statements to yourself (mentally or out loud). (Hmm, that would make a good bumper sticker). My dad said he wants to have everything done for him exactly like it was for my mom. At this point, I realized that my witty joke had probably done more harm than good. It could be outside pressure from your partner or loved ones. And that nevertheless was only added in the mid-1960s duringVatican II. Ultimately, the mind wants answers to problems. If you die unexpectedly, like from an accident or murder, you will probably hang around your body for a while; anywhere from 20 minutes to several days. Ive had more than a handful of pastors tell me cremation is a no-no. (1 Sam. What Is Holistic Rehab Therapy for Women? Theres a number of funeral directors who conveniently, albeit privately, believe that cremation is wrong. {} . Survivors guilt might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, yet its very real for many people. That's it partly, but I think it's such a waste. Once you overcome the initial procedure of lots of fire, what Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. In contrast, Russell Moore counsels Christians to reject cremation: The question is not simply whether cremation is always a personal sin. The mind is trying to sort everything out and make sense of whats happened. Free Download: Learn the 10 Things That Happen When You Die, How I Accidentally Became a Scientology Fundraiser, Creating Reference Experiences to Achieve Your Goals. How should Christians determine whether to choose burial or cremation? A common reason why Christians choose cremation is to avoid the expense related to funeral service and burial. A nice roaring funeral pyre in the forest with some Celtic music playing in the back would be welcome too. What Moral Norm(s) Apply in This Situation? Energetically speaking, however, how long do you stay attached to the body before you cross over? When youve lost someone, your mind will remember many things about them. I'd hate to think that's life on Earth is just it. I think it was an unconscious solidarity in your case. If your belief system sees a connection between your loved ones existence as one of the living, and their transition into the Afterlife, with the r It is a strange feeling to have them because I feel as if she has yet to move on and having the urn I thought I moved on but once I received it all the feelings rushed back. I find it such a bizarre concept at how my Dad who lived and breathed with a functioning body has now been turned into ashes. One of the pros is that cremation is far cheaper than the traditional burial. The deceased body is placed in a casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the chamber. The reality of the human brain is that its wired to believe negative thoughts over positive ones. In burial, were reminded that the body is not a shell, a husk tossed aside by the real person, the soul within. But I had known too that my mother had once expressed wishes of being buried back in her hometown with her parents and some of her siblings. Then there's a part of me that wants to have our ashes mingled and scattered in the places where we have lived and enjoyed: the Bronx, NYC, and maybe even England since her visits to me there were so memorable and such a part of my experience. Here are some of the more common issues that cause people to skip the funeral, even that of a family member or good friend: They arent prepared emotionally to say goodbye to the person whos passed The idea of seeing a dead body, or even stepping foot in a funeral home, gives them the creeps They dont want to run into someone theyd rather avoid. The heart of this prohibition against cremation is that humans are created in the image of G-d and so we shouldnt intentionally harm the body, dead or alive. I've gone to the funeral directors to see them; I did this a few months ago, but I just don't want them, I guess because it really confirms that he's gone. Powered by WordPress and Mystique theme by digitalnature | RSS Feeds, Working at the Crossroads of Life and Death, Lets Stop Throwing the Dead Out with the Trash, 10 Things That Keep Funeral Directors Up at Night. 5:68; Phil. Those private beliefsbecome public when their customers ask. She wouldn't want to be remembered that way. No. Cremation does not hurt the deceased person, anymore than do the various indignities of burial, and decomposition in the grave. The only real d I like feeling like she is always with me. The consensus among most Christian traditionsincluding evangelicalsis that because the Bible does not directly forbid cremation, it is not a sin. Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin? Some feel that its disrespectful or that it deprives the family of the sense of closure that comes from viewing the body in the casket. StayingPositiveApril 14, 2015 in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father). I stopped there because I didnt want to sound like I was lecturing him. That seems sensible to me. . 1 Guilt can be grouped in with other emotions like grief, loneliness, agony, and shame. And they took their bonesand buried them underthe tamarisk tree in Jabesh andfasted seven days. Urn. Only if they arent actually dead. How does one come to grips with this grim reality? Learn More At Agape Pet Services, well guide you through the process, cremate your pet and return the cremains in a dignified and attractive package. The loss causes pain, and the mind ultimately doesnt deal well with the emotions that get stirred up at the time of a significant loss. Loss generates the ultimate question for the mind to grapple with: Why did this happen, and why do I feel so much pain? And it will seek a solution to the question, even when the solution makes no logical sense. Can you sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts? In a roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance. You might feel guilty for the harm you caused but the fact that you cannot find them, speak to them, and make up for the pain, leaves that feeling of guilt unresolved. Before choosing cremation because of cost, Christians should consider more affordable burial options. Also, my dad and siblings and I had keepsake charm urns made. I called recently to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its $2000.00. Regardless of the cause of death, or the state of your relationship at the time of their death, you can easily become overwhelmed with survivors guilt, knowing that you were spared while they were not. I believe This pastor, though, didnt find a sympathizer in me. There are also some in a very tiny urn on my vanity. After a person has died; nothing that happens to their body hurts them any more. With todays technology there is no longer the issue of whether or My Mom passed a month ago from cancer, and I guess she had talked to my dad a lot about the arrangements (I guess they knew something that I didnt, and expected this to end like it did), and she was cremated. Why not simply toss the corpses of our loved ones into the local waste landfill? If it were my choice, I wouldn't have had her cremated ( I had no say since I'm only 14; and it really isn't my decision) since I hate the fact that her body isn't with us at all. The Catholic Church was anti-cremation up until about fifty-years ago. I honestly didnt want to ridicule his beliefs and I didnt want to say something that would jeopardize our friendship. 12:7), MacArthur adds, So cremation isn't a strange or wrong practiceit merely accelerates the natural process of oxidation.. This results in mental confirmation of guilt and remorse. So whether you are cremated, autopsied, or buried in a coffin, dont be afraid that you will feel any of it. She would do anything for anyone and give the shirt off her back for the next. The heroic gesture, again, of a tragic hero. Hugs so sorry for the loss of your dad. Islam too believes that cremation is wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no. Improve your career, relationships, finances, health and more. I looked at him before they took him to be cremated and he didn't want anyone to see him, but it was so unexpected. Its a way of processing the pain. My mom was cremated and I'm so glad because She didn't want to be look at or gawked at. Thank you all for your comments, they really are very much appreciated. Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases on Amazon.com. Toward an Ethic of Cremationfor the Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society. Answer: My mom and I were talking on the phone one day about death and whether we wanted to be buried or cremated. By Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0.You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. Guilt then becomes So the pastor and I sat in silence for what felt like a couple minutes until I took a different approach to the conversation. It holds some of her ashes in it, but it just looks like pretty jewelry to other people. Those of us who arent Jewish have a lot to learn from Jewish burial practices, specifically as it relates to home funerals and green burials, but most of us, like myself, simply dont believe that burning a body is violating G-ds creation. Mindfulness and meditation can have a huge impact on the grieving process, especially when it comes to guilt associated with loss. This article takes a look at the connection between grief and guilt. I as per my usual self attempted to lighten the somber mood with a witty joke by saying that all the bodies I burn are dead, unlike the bodies of the heretics that the Church burned back in the day. My dad had her cremated and we're going to go sprinkle the ashes eventually. I buried some of his ashes and I have the rest at home. Having it makes me feel lost, empty and as if I have a hole in my chest. I'm completely aware of the process etc but my brain just doesn't seem to want to believe that it could be him. I'm also struggling with the fact that there won't be a headstone or anywhere to visit and talk to her, I just prefer a traditional burial, I get that the body slowly decays and decomposes, but I much prefer it. EVER. It is the soul that goes to our Father in Heaven. So, heres what I said with as much good will as I could: Pastor, for most people in our area, cremation isnt a theological issue, its a practical issue. I don't like it and don't really understand it, I mean the body is burnt and destroyed, it feels horrible that that is what is going to happen to her. Many of these memories will be accurate, while many others may not be accurate at all. $368. Is the body and spirit connection torn apart at the moment of death or does it drag on a little longer? , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 1000, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 48 , 0096176817976- , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 . Copyright 2023 The Gospel Coalition, INC. All Rights Reserved. I hate that it's so hard. Islam too believes that cremation is wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no. It is caring for a person. It gives the living time to adjust, and it gives the dead time to let go. Guilt is a normal response to the perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that weve done something wrong. For the first time in American history, a majority of Americans (50.2 percent) have chosen cremation rather than burial (48.5 percent) after their death. The question is not whether God can reassemble cremains. The question is whether burial is a Christian act and, if so, then what does it communicate? Thats why the mind begins searching for answers, because it hates the chaos that results from something it cant explain. Its important to Financial concerns: Cremation seems and often is cheaper than burial. If we guilt and shame cremation, I dont believe that helps us, nor does it help to create community. My mum recently passed away, and her wish was to be cremated. EvelynM - I am terribly sorry for your loss and am saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief. If you found this article helpful, be sure to check out our website for more great tips and information. Of course God can resurrect a cremated Christian. Really sorry to hear your Mum passed away. It can be challenging to interrupt this cycle of negative thinking, and yet finding a way to do so is crucial to the healing process. Grieving.comis one of the oldest, if not the oldest, grief support community on the internet. [Reviewed and updated December 28, 2022.] The linked version has been posted with the journals permission.). The cremation process occurs in the cremation chamber (sometimes called the retort), a masonry-lined enclosure that can produce and withstand temperatures in the range of 1800F to2000F. Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief. Its important to understand the cause and what this feeling is trying to tell you. After the pastor and I sat in silence for a couple minutes, the Pastor piped back up:, I feel so strongly about this topic that Ive preached a sermon series on it.. History Suggests It Isnt. $1,310. The dead are dead. There is no life, feeling, continuation, future, nothing. Dead. Ended. Over. Completed. Timed out. Unmoving. You name it. Dead m At the moment, her ashes sit in a matching set of urns in our dining room. Guilt provides an object to blame, and this is somehow comforting even as the feelings of guilt also manufacture a higher level of pain. Opposing Gay Marriage May Seem like a Lost Cause. If you are dealing with feelings of guilt, remember that, while its a normal reaction to feel this way, your feelings may not be accurate. People who choose cremation arent attempting to disrespect God, nor are they denying the resurrection, nor do they believe that our bodies are toys that we can abuse. Some authors make the distinction between guilt and regret, noting that guilt is the feeling we have when our conscience is violated, while regret is the feeling of sadness that Included in the options that all funeral homes must offer are direct burial and natural burial. The point is that cremation is not pleasantit is a loud, violent, repulsive and artificial process. , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976- 100100 6 , | 0096176817976 , | 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| 10 , 0096176817976| , | 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| 100 6 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 6 , 0096176817976| 10 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , | 0096176817976 , | 0096176817976 1- ( }, | 0096176817976 : , ( )| 0096176817976 : 1)-, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 100 2 , 0096176817976| 100 2 , 0096176817976| : , 0096176817976| : . Without proper closure, feelings of guilt can remain with you for years. If anyone else is under the impression that you will feel anything that happens to your body once you leave it, rest assured that once you die, the connection is severed and your body becomes They are dead. In most case an autopsy has been done. The chest has been cracked open, organs have been examined and weighed. If that did not distu (Leviticus 20:14 and Leviticus 20:14 indirectly mention cremation, since they involve capital punishment that requires the offender to be burned with fire.). The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction..
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