i overheard my wife talking about me

I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. I'm sorry. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. Couples counseling could help. And can think clearly. Couples counselling may help as well. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. So what you should do? If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. You don't have to let it go. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. You deserve that. 2. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. Ban the girls from the house. Thats punishment enough for some. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Good luck, brother. Great comment. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. Especially when there is alcohol involved. Can you trust a person like that after all this? And what the fuck do you expect?? Come on, you're not 19 anymore. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. Right? You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. Id rather show my support. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! But something you might ask her about. OP, be worried that you're married to someone willing to lie about how they feel about you to have a better image for their friend group. Your marriage is between the two of you. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Best of luck. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. Lol see. No shit. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! We have a dog and some goldfish. Your sex life sounds amazing. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). Emasculated. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. We never fight. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. IDK what it's like to be bi and married but I am sure it present some special problems/concerns with you and your status in your social circle. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. To at least one person. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. He was literally a running joke to all of them. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Not the act itself. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. No one cares. Bisexuality is valid. You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. When people start talking about things that are intimate, sometimes they succumb to the pressure (not necessarily peer pressure in the "tell us, tell us sense, but more the pressure to feel bonded, to feel close to friends) to share things they shouldn't. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. 1.) Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? It was never between you and them anyway. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. She NEVER told me this. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Hope everything works out with you guys. So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. No matter how much she tells you she really enjoys it, there will now always be that voice in your head that tells you she really doesn't. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. After some investigation the the psychologist and clinic consensus was that my mind was f***ed up. How? Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. I have also been outed in a similar way. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. If she can apologize for those things and really work on not doing them in the future, I think I'd forgive her. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. I heard their conversation. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. I think you handled that really well. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Nowadays? Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. You will never have that trust again. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. That is why we married each other. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. This is not helpful but wow. Oh My God, seriously? Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. Cool off first of all. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. 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